This weekend reminded me of my IIIT-H days more than anything else. The first day went on in a pattern that was lost for some months now: One – I found my long lost friend, solitude, for more than half of the day. Two -Went to movie in a group. Three – Saw three movies in a single day, from three languages. Four – Did not cook ;). In the night, comes sleep with good thoughts in mind, and I sleep peacefully (ha, what a bliss!). Ofcourse as the day turned, the evil dreams of all sorts of personal and professional insecurities waved their hands, business as usual. But, it was a decent day, compared to the rest in the recent past, which are always lost in the home-office-home long commute routine. Oh, yeah, I also toyed about the idea of going to some remote town, trying my luck with some teaching job there (No, I dont want a courier office!). Then, I wondered what a fake i’d appear like, if i wear a dark glasses and claim to be a blind person, where I can’t resist a burst of laughter if something funny catches my attention.
Day – 2 began with some nice sleep, restored from the dreams but broken by the servant maid’s ringing of the bell. Surprisingly, I read ‘The Hindu’ for some half an hour today, while even a cursory look at the headlines became a mirage, always imminent, but never accessible. I wrote for some time, and I can’t believe my luck – I actually read for an hour or so continuously. Well, I have been working with great vigor, thanks to the Chennai trip made two weeks ago. The trip made me almost complete something that I was not able to do for the past eight months, in just these two weeks, working on it only in weekends. I think the vigor played its role on my thoughts too …and finally gave me a relatively peaceful and ‘fun-at-home’ weekend.
I was reading some of the ‘Devadasi’ stories in William Dalrymple’s ‘Nine Lives’. A few minutes later, I read about a Tibetan monk-turned soldier in Indian army-turned to a monk in Dharmasala now, in the same book. I thought of “Karthik calling karthik” – which I saw yesterday, which, I feel was one of the movies that made more sense to me than anything with “life” did in recent past. As I thought of these, “Hound of Baskervilles”, a 1939 movie that I saw yesterday, appeared so out of place. Why was it written? Why was it made? Why did i see this? Suddenly, the essays I am translating -seemed as purposeless as my translation.
Immedietly, I realized that – my conscious stream, which subconsciously classified Ra.Ra.’s “Saraswatha Vivechana”- a collection of literary criticism, in to the latter of some two-class classifier, also classified ‘Hound…’, ‘Essays..’ in to the same category, and I almost became unconscious at the revelation. [:)) You can move out of this page at your own will!! stay back for your own peril! ;)].
For a moment, I wondered about books unfound, books left unread, movies skipped and movies missed. I wondered about the deliberate severing of ties with the ones I like… and ones I hate as well. I wondered about the now lost madness for walking long distances, getting lost and playing baddy or table tennis. I wondered about my lost and infamous lethargy, which I revelled in. Then, I wondered if some change of air and a journey in to the past can help me come back. But, the possibility of the yesterday’s horrors coming back to haunt seeing me in their areas, adding to the present haunts- worried me. As I wondered and pondered on what to do, how to do –
Oh, come on! time to cook lunch! what’d you eat when you are hungry, say, half an hour from now? – Mind and Body reminded, since they are in saner moods today.
So, an absolutely random and goal-less post comes to an end. 🙂